i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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