xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
