tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
