first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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