he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
