i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
