If that was your dad, he is hot
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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