Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
