So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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