i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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