farters have to be the big spoon...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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