Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
