genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
