hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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