Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
