I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
