Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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