no, he came in my armpit
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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