my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
