me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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