He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
