i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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