dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
