So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
only you would photoshop your dick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize