did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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