no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
