Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
