I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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