Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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