she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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