She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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