I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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