I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
