there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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