Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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