I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
