I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize