Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pooping to opera.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
