i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
