I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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