i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
