Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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