just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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