we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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