guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
