she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
