New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
