I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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