Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
