the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
