Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
