Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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