I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
