I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
