okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
