Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had to cum in my sink.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
