There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
