I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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