so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
