Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
