final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
