I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
