she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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