I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
