my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
