in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
