This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
