I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
