Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
