Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
