butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
