what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
