My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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