The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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